Cultivating Lifelong Learners

Learning, exploring, curiosity, asking questions, doing research and having discussions are not just “school” things for children to do in educational settings. They are lifelong things that all people can benefit from. Too often, we as parents struggle to find time for or prioritize these things, or we only do them separate from the kids, reading a book after bedtime or playing board games or having discussion about world events with friends over dinner while the kids are with a sitter. 

But if we want to normalize learning, we have to do it in the open. It may seem overwhelming to find time to read books around your kids when you can hardly get a free moment to use the bathroom, but there are so many ways to show your kids that you value and enjoy learning, and that it belongs everywhere throughout everyday life - not just during the day but in the evenings; not just during the week but on the weekends; not just during the “school year” but in the summer, on holidays, on vacations; not just in a classroom, but on the couch, in the kitchen, in the car, in the yard; not just with books or computers but with anything.

What are some things we do in our home?

We read - a lot! As a parent at home with four kids, I struggle to find the time and focus to read many books - though I do try! - but that doesn’t mean they don’t see me reading. I read magazines and newspapers. I choose books that I’m also interested in to read aloud to the kids. When I read articles on my phone, I talk about what I’m reading so they know that I’m reading and learning rather than just mindlessly staring at a screen.

We also get the Sunday New York Times - and read it, talk about what we’re reading, do the puzzles, and leave it accessible for the kids to pick up. When the kids see us doing crossword puzzles, for instance, that not only shows them that their parents find puzzles and games involving trivia and a broad range of knowledge to be enjoyable, but they pick up on things like difficulty levels. Children often feel that adults are skilled at everything, and they, as children are not. They compare themselves to us - in their reading or writing abilities (why doesn’t my letter look like yours?), their drawing and coloring abilities (why can’t I just color in the lines?), the divide between adults and childrens’ ability levels often feels like a chasm. No matter how much we assure them that everything takes practice, and we didn’t spring from the womb with perfect penmanship, it’s hard for them to believe it without seeing it in action. They can see that, even after years of practice, sure we can do a Monday crossword, but the weekend ones still frequently escape us. As we work through a Sunday crossword, sometimes completing it with collaboration, sometimes leaving unknown answers blank, it normalizes struggle and how an activity can be enjoyable even when you’re not perfect at it. Crosswords offer an example of how even when you don’t know all the exact answers, you can still figure things out through other means - tinkering around, experimenting, perseverence. And that it’s not always about a finished product - an incomplete puzzle can still be fun and full of new ideas.

In addition to reading the paper and discussing its content, we also listen to the radio - both for news shows and diverse music. We like NPR and Radio Milwaukee. I also listen to a variety of music from folk songs to classical, modern artists to show tunes. Hamilton is a favorite, and as a bonus they not only get exposed to the music and content, but they get to hear me learning lyrics over time: more evidence that adults don’t know everything right away and have to work hard learning new things. 

I picked up a plant hobby this year, and the kids have seen me go from a total plant newb to... okay, just slightly more informed. They not only have learned along with me - names of plants, what their different light and water and soil needs are, how seeds and roots and cuttings work - but they’ve watched me experiment. They’ve watched me read about plants, ask friends for advice, try different things, and fail frequently. They’ve seen the plants I’ve killed and how I’ve moved forward, making decisions about which plants to keep or buy based on the conditions of our home and our lifestyle. They’ve learned that even if you know nothing about something, you can still enjoy it. 

We have a lot of “adult conversations” in our home. We talk over dinner, we talk by the fire in the evening, we chat before work in the morning. We talk amongst ourselves as the adults in the house, but we also talk to family members (over video chat lately) and to friends. When I have a play date, I talk to my own friends. The children are exposed to all sorts of topics of conversation, but also just to the concept of learning through discussion - of listening to others’ varied points of view, and expressing our own ideas respectfully. I’ve hosted a weekly parenting discussion and playgroup for years, and my kids have learned that parents actually have to work at learning how to be good parents - and they see that we value doing so. 

Recently we decided to do more ice skating, and as the kids are learning to skate, so are we. They get to see me on a similar par with their skills, just practicing and falling and getting back up again. 

There are so many other examples of ways our kids see us valuing learning. They see their dad learning and playing piano pieces, working on new exercises in the home gym, researching and figuring out how to fix a broken door knob or install a mirror. They see me preparing for my birth classes, memorizing poetry and informational songs (I’m working on learning all the countries of the world), and learning new sewing and crafting techniques. They see us working together on large jigsaw puzzles, playing badminton or croquet in the backyard, and planning, researching and cooking meals. They see their grandparents, relatives, friends and siblings learning and practicing new things.

You probably have totally different hobbies and interests than we do, but I bet there are areas that you love learning more about, subjects you like to research, or activities you want to improve at. If you’ve been putting them on the back burner while your kids are young, think about bringing them back into your days. Let your kids see you struggling, trying new things, enjoying yourself despite your skills or knowledge. Don’t choose things you wish your kids would learn - just go with what you like. Try not to focus on how your kids react. The goal isn’t for them to start reading the news and chatting about politics, or to learn a new skill or craft.

It’s not my goal for my kids to learn and love the exact same things we do. Sure, it’ll be fun if my kids love solving crosswords with me when they’re older, or if they learn to play the piano like their dad, but it’s not about the content of what they learn. I don’t want them to be just like us; I want them to be just like them.

It’s about a family culture of learning. It’s about encouraging them in their natural curiosity, in whatever direction they want to take it. It’s about showing them that life is rich when filled with passion, no matter what that passion is for. It’s showing them that learning isn’t something reserved for children, something boring, something forced, something we do because we have to, in between the things we’d actually choose to do. It is the things we’d choose to do. It’s about learning different methods of picking up new knowledge and skills - and having the confidence that no matter what they decide they’re into, they can learn what they need to know to get there.

If they decide they want to be an engineer, or a doctor, or a plumber, or an artist, it doesn’t matter whether they learned any of those specific skills as a child - because they learned how to identify their passions, figure out what they need in order to pursue them, and work hard at it until they get there. These skills are so much more valuable than any academic lessons I could teach. And it’s a lot more enjoyable for the adults to pursue their own interests and share that excitement with the whole family, rather than putting hobbies and interests on hold. Everyone will benefit from a house filled with curious, determined and passionate lifelong learners.

How we Use Our Montessori Floor Bed

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on what the most important, helpful, valuable things have been for me over the course of raising four children. Starting over with a fresh newborn, six years later has reminded me of what some of my favorite items and habits are. These types of things are deeply rooted in my minimalist, Montessori and RIE-centered parenting beliefs and methods, and they spark most of the questions I get from other parents. I’ll be sharing some details about how and why we implement these things in this series. 

Our oldest child as a newborn, sleeping on her floor bed

One of the most radical choices we’ve made right from the beginning is to use a floor bed rather than a crib. As an AMI trained Montessorian, I knew I’d use a floor bed before I ever had children. When we were preparing a bedroom for our first child, the main purchase we made was a full size Ikea mattress. 

What to Buy and Why?

There are lots of different ways to approach the floor bed concept, from different sizes, to frame vs no frame, to where you place them. I chose a full size bed for a number of reasons. First of all, one of my parenting mottos is “start as you’d like to continue”. Transitions are difficult for children, not to mention it’s expensive to buy a series of items rather than one long-lasting one. 

Many parents buy a bassinet, crib, toddler bed, twin bed and maybe eventually a larger bed. The transition from one to another is often difficult for young children and can affect their sleep habits. Buying a full size mattress from the beginning not only keeps things consistent - a child can sleep on the same bed from birth through adulthood, maintaining continuity and comfortability - but cuts out all those extra purchases. 

A larger mattress also meant that our babies were very unlikely to roll off at a young age because there was plenty of room. Another bonus: it’s easy for us parents to join her in bed for things like nighttime nursing, reading books before bed, or snuggling when they’re sick. The floor bed is great fun for playing as well - you can use it like a trampoline, a practice mat for somersaults and cartwheels, or just overall rambunctious kid play. It even doubles as an extra guest sleeping option when we have family in town (can’t really stick the grandparents in a crib!)

The mattress we chose is 2.75” high, so even if a baby does roll off, it’s so close to the ground there’s no danger. We mostly have put our mattresses on carpets, but even when we have used them on wood floors we haven’t had any issues. Adding a rug is an option if you’re worried about hard or cold flooring.

Some people do prefer to use a frame of some sort for their floor beds. We’ve never found this necessary - we flip the mattress from time to time, but over six and a half years of constant use, we’ve never encountered issues like mold. 

Napping on the floor bed as a newborn (we only use blankets while supervised!)

In addition to the mattress itself, we purchased a set of waterproof mattress pads (totally essential, worth their weight in gold) and a set of fitted sheets. Yes, we’re still using the same ones we bought initially, and we’ll be able to continue to use them for any of the full size beds in our home for a long time. Definitely a major money saver!

Our third child sleeping on the floor bed at a few months old

We don’t just use a floor bed to save money and avoid transitions though! The main reason is because we believe in the inherent capability of our children from birth. Why cage them off from the rest of their room and home? Why make them dependent on an adult to put them in and get them out of bed? The floor bed allows the child to have ownership over their sleep experience from the beginning. If they’re not quite tired yet, they have the freedom to do other things before going to sleep; if they awake and they’re content, they can choose to play on their own rather than crying for someone to rescue them.

Making the Room Safe

Cribs are mostly designed to keep the baby safe - but if the whole room is safe, then there’s no reason to have bars. Cribs provide hazards of their own - babies can get their limbs stuck in the slats, if bumpers are used they can cause suffocation, and eventually most babies start to climb out of cribs, potentially leading to falls. A floor bed removes all these risks, as well as eliminating the need for the parents to pay attention to things like changing the settings of the crib to lower it as the baby start to sit and stand and climb. 

Current room setup for our 4 week old

In order to make the baby’s room safe for a floor bed, a minimal approach is necessary. In the many iterations of “baby room” we’ve had over four children and three houses, we’ve kept things pretty simple: the floor mattress, a rocker/glider, and a dresser/shelving unit that stores clothing and other baby items and doubles as a changing station. Sometimes we’ve also had a small shelf of toys in the room, though lately we keep the toys in the living room and play areas and out of the bedrooms. 

The key for large pieces of furniture is to anchor them safely to the wall. Some children will explore their rooms more - though when they’re used to being free in their room from birth, this is less likely since it’s all very normal and boring to them rather than new and exciting. Anything you don’t want baby to play with or touch should be kept outside the room, or in a closet or higher shelf. 

The only other furniture in the room

Everyone will have different approaches to babyproofing their babies’ rooms based on the unique challenges of your home. We’ve had success with plugging any cords into outlets behind furniture - the only electronic we use is a video camera mounted on the wall, and we’ve never had issues with babies playing with the cords since they’re tucked behind furniture out of reach. There are outlet covers that can be used if this isn’t an option as well.

Floor Bed with a Newborn

Our fourth baby napping in her bed as a newborn

Many people transition their child to a floor bed at an older age, but I’m a big believer in using them from birth. I’ll share the process that has worked well for us over the years. All four of our kids have slept in their floor beds right away.

For the first 4-6 weeks, when the baby is very unpredictable and needing frequent feeds and changes at night, I have bedshared with my babies. It’s easy to follow safe bedsharing guidelines when it’s the child’s room rather than your own bed. I bring a blanket and pillow that I keep on my side of the bed, and baby sleeps on the other side, a good few feet away from me. I keep the blanket below my chest which is well below baby’s feet. It’s easy to respond when baby needs to feed at night, I’m right there near the changing area for changes and everyone’s able to sleep safely and comfortably. 

Once I have a decent idea of baby’s nighttime routine, I transition myself out of the room. Our bedrooms are all nearby so it’s easy to hear when baby wakes at night - I don’t even use the sound on our monitors since they’re nearby. I can check on the baby via the video if I’m not sure whether they’re really awake or not. Once I’ve decided we’re ready to separate, I continue with the same routine - get baby into pajamas, feed and put to bed - but rather than going to bed there, I move back to my own room. When baby wakes at night, I go in to feed and care for them as needed, then return to my room in between wakeups. 

Sleep sacks, not swaddles

I’m sure this looks different for everyone - some families may prefer to skip the bedsharing phase entirely, and others may keep it up for much longer. This is just how things have ended up working with all four of my kids! 

In following RIE principles (as well as AAP guidelines) we always put our babies to sleep on their backs, flat on the firm mattress with only a fitted sheet. If it’s chilly, we use a basic cotton or fleece sleep sack over pajamas, but we do not use swaddles or blankets of any kind. Freedom of movement is so important for babies, and swaddles not only inhibit the free movement of their limbs, but keep them from using their hands to soothe themselves. All my babies have enjoyed sleeping with their hands near their faces or up in the air by their heads. Skipping swaddles helps avoid another difficult transition, since they have to be discontinued once baby starts to roll. 

Naps Outside the Bedroom

In addition to the floor bed, we do also own a Moses basket. We keep this on the main floor of our home, and sometimes take it elsewhere - to the basement, backyard, etc - if the baby needs somewhere to sleep or hang out when we’re not near their bedroom. In the first few weeks, my babies have slept easily anywhere in the house, but as they move away from the sleepy newborn phase, they tend to sleep better in their own rooms away from the hubbub of the rest of the household, so I do put them down for naps in their room if possible. Eventually they’ve all transitioned to napping primarily in their rooms, usually within a few months. 

Starting right away from birth with a familiar, consistent sleep surface, calm and minimal routine, and trust in the inherent capability of the infant to sleep has been so valuable for our family. These techniques won’t make them magic sleepers or keep them from waking at night - that’s developmentally normal for babies! - but they can go a long way to helping babies sleep as well as they are able and avoiding habits that are unsustainable.

If you’re interested in learning more about floor beds, here’s some related resources. I’m always happy to answer questions you may have, so send them my way!

Why We Use a (Montessori) Floor Bed

To Crib or Not to Crib

The Basics of Floor Beds

Understanding the Human Being

Montessori From the Start

The Joyful Child